Dear Classic Mom Diary:
I have been feeling at an advantage, lately. A large one, in fact. All over the internet, I have been reading stories of Mom's who were working steadily at jobs or towards careers, making progress, receiving promotions and raises, and then suddenly they're faced with pregnancy, and the idea of becoming a Mom. Some choose to be a Stay At Home Mom because they just knew it was what was right for them and their family, others chose to stay home because it was a better financial move than child care, some stayed home because their old school spouses encouraged it, and others for a multitude of other reasons. But one thing they all have in common is: they left their job. At one point or another, their pregnancy caused them to leave work behind, in the dust. Not only that, many don't start that leave until later in the pregnancy, when their maternity leave kicks in. Smart women - for that I am jealous of your abilities, ma'am.
I have been feeling at an advantage, lately. A large one, in fact. All over the internet, I have been reading stories of Mom's who were working steadily at jobs or towards careers, making progress, receiving promotions and raises, and then suddenly they're faced with pregnancy, and the idea of becoming a Mom. Some choose to be a Stay At Home Mom because they just knew it was what was right for them and their family, others chose to stay home because it was a better financial move than child care, some stayed home because their old school spouses encouraged it, and others for a multitude of other reasons. But one thing they all have in common is: they left their job. At one point or another, their pregnancy caused them to leave work behind, in the dust. Not only that, many don't start that leave until later in the pregnancy, when their maternity leave kicks in. Smart women - for that I am jealous of your abilities, ma'am.
For me, though, I've been at an advantage (and a disadvantage.) Back in the summer of 2014 I faced a variety of physical issues that caused me to leave work for days, sometimes weeks at a time. They were all muscular (or so they felt) which put a huge damper on my ability to work, ugh. For me, at the time, I loved working. My love for work had subsided slightly to make way for my still honey-mooning relationship with my boyfriend Toby, but prior to our relationship I was what one might call a "workaholic", working at least 35-55 hours a week, and coming home to complete online schooling, because at the time I was going to graduate. But I didn't. I also didn't get to achieve any of the work accomplishments I wanted to. Lame.
In September 2014 my doctor announced I should take a short term medical leave from work and helped fight to get me on disability - which failed. I literally got laughed at by the lady at the Ministry of Social Development's office, and turned away to seek help on a website that might point me in a better direction. Being someone who already faces severe anxiety in her day-to-day life, this was actually a bit traumatic, to be honest. Not a nightmare tragedy, but I was certainly humiliated and feeling pretty low on myself. It wasn't just the doctors suggestion that kept me away from work - it was the constant debilitating pain that causes numbness in multiple parts of my body - sometimes an entire half at a time - that keeps me from walking normally, that keeps me from functioning. The same pain that has kept me here at home for 6 months now, because all the jobs I've seen include standing for hours on end, or having to lift heavy boxes and crawl up and down ladders all the time. Things I can't really do anymore.
February 6, 2015, I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend was there with me, we had an amazing time. I couldn't have asked for a better blessing in this lifetime. In less than 7 months, we will be holding our own little bundle of joy, our life and our happiness, our treasure. Something we made, together. A human function that I can finally do right for just one damn time in my life. I can't tell you how amazing this news was to our family, and how much it has influenced some amazing and positive changes in our home and lives. Wow.
So while I'm at a huge disadvantage for having this disability that makes life a little harder, sometimes a little messier, and often a lot more time-consuming, I'm also at a huge advantage. I have already become accustomed to sitting at home for long hours, and am getting better at house work (heh, can anyone really say they're good at this one?) I already have a routine at home, with my pets, with my life. Of course, I know it'll change with a baby, but it won't be a huge shock to me: suddenly being home all the time. It won't be a huge shock not getting the social life that women suddenly feel they lose, because my life has already altered my social life in a way that keeps it constantly a little deprived (which as an introvert, I truly don't mind!) I have already learned who my genuine supports are and where they lie, and won't have to go through the process new moms go through sometimes of weeding through friends who only cared until the novelty wore off, or who were not prepared to have a friend who reminded them of what was yet to come in their future (or of what wasn't happening in their present) or whatever darn reasons friends seem to consistently part ways when one becomes pregnant.
I look forward to the future and what it brings. I feel very blessed for the situation I am in, and for the friends and family I have who have all endured this in their own ways before me, and who can offer amazing advice now. I am also blessed to have friends and family who can recognize not all situations are the same, and give me and my boyfriend the space to enjoy our pregnancy the way our souls were intended to. It's going to be fun, I just know it.
XOX
Julie Maye
So while I'm at a huge disadvantage for having this disability that makes life a little harder, sometimes a little messier, and often a lot more time-consuming, I'm also at a huge advantage. I have already become accustomed to sitting at home for long hours, and am getting better at house work (heh, can anyone really say they're good at this one?) I already have a routine at home, with my pets, with my life. Of course, I know it'll change with a baby, but it won't be a huge shock to me: suddenly being home all the time. It won't be a huge shock not getting the social life that women suddenly feel they lose, because my life has already altered my social life in a way that keeps it constantly a little deprived (which as an introvert, I truly don't mind!) I have already learned who my genuine supports are and where they lie, and won't have to go through the process new moms go through sometimes of weeding through friends who only cared until the novelty wore off, or who were not prepared to have a friend who reminded them of what was yet to come in their future (or of what wasn't happening in their present) or whatever darn reasons friends seem to consistently part ways when one becomes pregnant.
I look forward to the future and what it brings. I feel very blessed for the situation I am in, and for the friends and family I have who have all endured this in their own ways before me, and who can offer amazing advice now. I am also blessed to have friends and family who can recognize not all situations are the same, and give me and my boyfriend the space to enjoy our pregnancy the way our souls were intended to. It's going to be fun, I just know it.
XOX
Julie Maye
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