Today I am celebrating being 105 days (yep, my whole pregnancy - so far) free of public pregnancy meltdowns! I know I am not nearly in the clear with roughly another 168 days to go, and sitting in the "honeymoon" period right now of course, but I am happy to have made it this far! From all of my pregnancy reads and many "new-mom to new-mom" buddy advice, I have heard that pregnancy can be a terribly anxious, upsetting, frustrating period for women who are preparing for such a huge life-changing event. While I can't say I have been completely free of worry (I am actually scared to the deepest of my core) I haven't really had any severe meltdowns - public or not! (Only about two bouts of crying, both of which cleared up with laughter, woo hoo!)
Being a sufferer of anxiety and depression, I was definitely worried that at every new-mom revelation I had (new responsibilities, new expenses, so many expenses, new clothes, new body, new life, new role, more new responsibilities, and on and on) that I would freak out harder than I am. The truth is, every time I feel myself on the verge of freaking out, I just get thrown into this "action" phase where I feel the need to get stuff prepared, and done. I've heard this can be an early warning sign of a later and much more emotional melt down, but I am remaining positive and hoping I can still avoid the worst of it, at least! So far, at every new turn, I've been nothing but excited! Except for my more frequent and more severe fibromyalgia flare ups and the inability to take any truly effective medicine...that whole aspect can go to, erm, you know where.
I keep looking forward, knowing that each day past is another one I won't get to enjoy during this pregnancy, so I like to try and think on how exciting it all is - the bodily changes, finally putting on some weight (hehe), getting to enjoy comfier and baggier clothes, getting to eat more, laughing at crazy and strange cravings, having not only a hyperactive sense of smell, but also an imaginary one (who knew you could mysteriously smell the first body spray you ever owned when you were 9, followed by fresh popcorn, and then your favorite essential oil all back to back while at the same time realizing none of these things are anywhere to be found around you!) plus several other things. I can basically think of a food and taste it now, that's pretty cool. Except when it's not. It's the exact same as when you eat a few chips, and get the taste in your mouth. Then you need to eat several more until your stomach hurts, maybe the bag is empty, your mouth burns with such intense flavor, you're dying a little inside from contentment of finishing a chip bag, backed by this holy crap fatty, you just finished the entire bag feeling inside of you. Try dealing with that at 3AM, when you don't even have the chips you taste to begin with! Good luck getting back to sleep until a decent hour to make a trip to the store - that is, if you haven't moved on to seven different cravings between now and then, and then ended up confused on what you actually want. (Oh, and apparently you're not allowed to buy the whole snack food aisle, mostly because you can't afford it. LOL)
Anyway, I am celebrating today - 105 days of me being in public (and private) with basically no freak outs. So far, I am on track with having a happy and positive pregnancy, and while I'm not the poster lady for this sort of thing by any stretch of the word (I have DEFINITELY had my "f@#& this! T, it's your turn to be pregnant, I'm done!" moments - more than once!) I am doing pretty well. I am extremely excited to become a Mother, and to watch the love of my life become a Father. It's going to be such a fantastic experience, no matter what our circumstances are. The fact is, as long as there is a roof for all of us, food in our tummies, warmth on our bodies, and health in our systems, I think we will do just fine. And we can only get better from here. I can't wait.
Cheers
Julie Maye.
No comments:
Post a Comment