Proper Meaning

Dear Classic Mom Diary:

I am troubled with the world today. For a very simple, yet very complex matter that is so ingrained in our society that the only way to protect my kids will be to educate them and equip them with the positive knowledge and reinforcements I gain along the way. (And of course the realistic junk, too, since this Mama doesn't get to be the lucky one in all of humanity that gets off with a insanity break to keep her head in the clouds and still have everything work out perfectly to textbook plan.) 

See, something that's wrong with this world is we've become so reliant on drama and exaggeration. It is no longer enough to enjoy the beautiful garden you saw today - no, instead you must have seen the greatest garden of all times with the most blossoms and the prettiest butterflies, otherwise it's probably not worth talking about. At least, that's how you can feel sometimes. It's upsetting for many reasons, but I'm going to list off a few below. This is a half rant half revelation on my behalf, because I'm mad as ever to be born anytime after the one where humans lived without buildings and government and all that mambo jumbo. But also because I cannot change the world around me, only the way I see it, and because I want to encourage a healthy perspective for my little-y so they don't feel the same suffering I do, from being a little too skeptical, and probably a little bit stuck in her ways. (Which seem to be very out dated. I think I'm from the past, like a reincarnation with memories. But we can talk about that another time. And if you're a non-believer you can chalk that up to crazy pregnant lady brain, haha!) 

My biggest frustration with this need for drama and exaggeration is that it drives people to lie. Often about simple things - like how bright the neon sign actually was, or how many drinks they honestly had that night. Maybe they'll lie about what time they really left for work, or that they didn't wake up late, but instead the train stopped on the tracks forever and you thought you would die before you got to work. Seriously, who needs to talk like that? Wait - I do. Because it's our language. It's how we communicate other words that we don't seem to know in common conversation - like extremely, plethora, cornucopia, ecstatic, overjoyed. We exaggerate because we think that's how to express the extreme heightened emotions we feel inside during particular events like getting ice cream or riding a roller coaster. We also exaggerate because we need to feel relevant - because if you're conversation isn't enough to please the other person, they're more likely to turn their eyes down to their phone to text a smiley face to "Mick Jagger" or "John Doe" because somehow that's more important than what's at hand. (Yes, friends, I'm looking at the ground in guilty shame as I write this, because I do all these things, too.) 

What this encourages is lack of trust amongst people, because often we take the lies a little too far sometimes. Maybe you forgot some of the details you told, so they were told differently and you were caught telling two different stories. Perhaps someone else was there and you forgot, and they are able to recall the story more accurately than you are telling it. It causes people to question one another, and chalk serious emotions up as exaggerations and drama. For example "you really hurt me by calling me fat" might be laughed at, because in other times you sarcastically acted out one of your own victims, or a different victim belonging to the same perpetrator. Now they think you're being sarcastic or joking, and don't take you seriously. Or maybe a teacher doesn't listen to a seriously suicidal kid crying out for help, because in the last week 15 other kids have been caught cutting their wrists and are actually suffering from behavioral outbursts where they're seeking attention, and their actions don't actually root from self-hatred and intent of self-destruction. But because we are so used to it being exaggerated or used inappropriately, we don't respond with the same alertness we really needed to? And then that man feels forever guilty because society (and his own lack of recognition) perfectly groomed him to see urgency as the new "normal" and have basically disabled their body's response to urgency.

What has lead this to bother me more recently on a personal scale is people misusing the words "love" and "passion". I can hardly blame society for the huge picture held above their head, telling them love is big fancy diamonds, a top-of-the-line car, tons of kids, and a mini mansion (or real one if you can afford it, or at least if the bank tells you you can.) They are told that love is coming home every single night to a cooked dinner, bathed and dressed kids that are nearly ready for bed, A+ homework on the fridge, a kiss from the honey, fresh clothes in the dresser to change into. A clean shower to prepare for dinner, whatever. You may say I'm looking at an outdated version of a 60s magazine and spitting this image out, but the truth is Hollywood and the media push this even more not by saying how much you need to be that person but by saying how much you most definitely shouldn't be anyone else. Unless it's very strong, powerful, and sexy. Because let's face it, that's what the 21st century is all about. The media has literally taken our instinctual desires and exploited them, because often we lack the ability to recognize our instinct from our actual heart desires. 

So you get a man that comes home and says I love you, and then goes to work and says he loves her, too. You get a woman who's sneaking out to the "grocery store" to see her other man, while her current is at work or at home with the kids. You get children who are in school to follow their "passions" while their actually being forced to pursue their interests, which often leads to terrible dissatisfaction later in life, because they're not doing what they actually wanted to - like show horses or garden professionally. Because lets face it, if you're truly passionate, you'll find a way to make money doing something related to it, so that you can be encompassed with it in your every day life. But society tells you you can't. You can't be a passionate gardener for a career, because you'll never make money as a gardener! (Look at Brian Minter from Minter Gardens, if you're local to the Fraser Valley, or even British Columbia. If not, look up a local garden center, and see how they're thriving.) Why can't you be a passionate dancer? The passionate ones are the ones on top, teaching and making money, helping others chase their passions, or interests, depending on why and how they got there. What's wrong with being passionate about driving, and wanting to own your own semi and make a living on the road? Absolutely nothing, that's what. 

And one other thing - in my opinion, one aspect of "love" is passion. So if you don't have passion for something, you likely don't love it either. Because love isn't a guilty feeling of belonging to something, it isn't a feeling of "I have to do this" or "I have to be here." It's actually the opposite. It's wanting all of that, and recognizing what you have in your hands is the answer to all of your prayers. It is a full and total devotion of heart, and passion. That is true love. And true love comes in many forms. For our proper partners, for our jobs, for our hobbies, for our families, for ourselves, and for all that we have, are, and enjoy in life. We have the ability to have love for anything, because passion can be introduced anywhere. Passion and gratification are not the same thing - another problem with society and their inability to properly interpret the meaning of words. Maybe it's because of a bunch of undereducated people like me who did not graduate? Who knows. 

One thing is for sure. When I teach my child about passion, love, and other words, I'm going to teach them the true definitions. I will work not to use these words to sell my children on good behavior and to bribe them with that dream of "better days". Because I want to equip my children with the knowledge on how to attain these true things in life, and how to keep them for life, so that they can always have a better today, and feel nothing but excitement for tomorrow. And when they have passion for something, it will be true passion - not just extreme interest. You will see it in their work, in their talent for what they are doing. For when someone is truly passionate, the beauty is invisible to no one. 

Cheers

Julie Maye