Dear Classic Mom Diary:
Every woman dreams that when she is expecting her first child, she will be shielded in the arms of her own personal prince charming - whether he be a buff biker dude, a modern sales type, high class, a bad boy, a bit nerdy, sporty, or whatever else the heart desires. For me, my prince charming is about 5'9", light brown haired (with a red hue that he's very proud of), green eyed, "averagely" built, and has a ginormous heart.
Knowing that this dream doesn't always come true for everyone makes me feel blessed in knowing that it has come true for me. Although we are not married, my boyfriend and I have been happily dating since November 12th, 2013, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We have both agreed that we would never want a baby to simply be the reason we get married, and so we are going to continue dating until we decide the time is right, just as we would have if our little miracle wasn't on the way. The reason we have made this decision is not because we don't love each other enough already. It is because we love each other so much that we are confident that we can make this work, despite flaws we may encounter, and because we would love for our first child to be it's own independent blessing aside from our wedding which will be even more special now as it will be witnessed by the miracle we created together. This confidence in each other makes our relationship even more special to me, because as you may have read previously, I'm a rather closed person from experiencing parental neglect as a child. It makes me personally feel like I am on top of the world knowing that my patience and faith in my ability to find happiness is proving worthwhile, despite me sometimes not being able to see that.
I don't want to attribute all of my happiness to my boyfriend, because then that would be an unhealthy relationship - all of your happiness shouldn't lie in someone else. However, I will say that my boyfriend has encouraged me to seek my own happiness, which I lost for a long time and for a while decided I was no longer searching for it. T has reminded me that nothing should stand in the way of me and my happiness, and that I am worth being loved - by myself and by others.
T has been with me through a lot of crazy arguments, and even stuck with me through a tiny ridiculous break up one week after we started dating. (Yes, our *official* anniversary was October 31st but this fool decided to let anxiety get in the way and question whether or not she could handle the commitment.) We have grown a lot together, and independently, and I think that makes our relationship pretty amazing, too.
As a child, I never thought fairy tales were true. I always lived guarded, with low expectations for life quality, hoping that when I grew up I would be able to use my adult freedoms to find that happiness. I didn't think I would just be tearing out of the flood gates when my man would trip me and steal my heart with a big smile. Heck I don't even know if I left the gate or if I more exploded out of the front and was caught by him.
T found me in Futureshop when I was the new girl, and struck a conversation with me. At first I was unsure about him, as I was with every one, but his silliness and friendliness captured me and we decided to start hanging out. That was one of the best moments of my life. His charming, caring, understanding personality captured me after that. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I would've found the exact man I'd always hoped for - someone who listens (for the most part), cares, fights as hard as I do (if not harder), not only understands but helps me break from the shells of my past, and so much more. I feel like such a lucky woman.
I know our child will feel just as blessed as I do to have such a brave, caring, amazing, talented, sensitive, supporting man for a father. My handsome boyfriend is a shining star for what kind of amazing parent I want to be for our child, and he is an inspiration for me to consistently do better, and that is how I know I have given my heart to my soul mate. No matter what we will always be attached at the heart.
I love you, baby.
Love,
Julie Maye.
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